Parenting in Ministry
WRITTEN BY SARA SALGUERO
There might not be anything more “on the nose” regarding being a mother in ministry than struggling to find the time to write this because of busyness in motherhood and ministry. I sat down to write this several times but was interrupted each time. So here goes attempt number ????
I had exactly three visions for my life when I was little: 1. Go to college to become an elementary school teacher. 2. Meet my husband in college and marry him at the age of 23. 3. Start having kids and become a stay at home mom (4 to be exact…one boy, twin boy and girl, and then another girl) by the time I was 26. Oh and as a bonus, I wanted to be the mom that made the very best chocolate chip cookies.
I did go to college to become an elementary school teacher, and I do in fact make the very best chocolate chip cookies (or so say my children anyway), but otherwise nothing about my life looks like I thought it would. To be honest, it is even better.
But this beautiful, full, wonderful life as a wife and mother, who also happens to serve full-time in ministry, has not come without its challenges. In fact, at this very moment, I am sitting in an airport with my husband as we await our flight for a couple of fundraising events in the states this week. My children, however, are at Casa Bernabe for the week. My youngest, Santiago, this morning as I hugged him goodbye said, “Mami, I am just going to miss you so much. Do you really have to go? Why can’t I go too?”
And this is the crux of it all. For parents who have said “yes” to God in full-time ministry, in a way, also said yes for their children without even asking them. Their children also have to make sacrifices. Their children will have to learn from an early age that they will have to share their parents even when they don’t want to. Sometimes their parents will have to miss special events at school because of ministry obligations that they can’t change. There will be a lot of unexpected visitors stopping by on the weekends, changing their plans. They will have to stand in front of a lot of different groups and congregations and learn how to adapt to people knowing their names when they have never even met them.
As a mother, ministry has broken my heart. There have been times when I thought there was no way I could stand under the weight of it, and I would look at my children and think, “Am I enough for this? Should I keep doing this? Am I being a good mother by continuing in this way?” I never asked these questions because I didn’t believe in the ministry. The ministry…the children and staff at Casa Bernabe were always worth every single tear or every single struggle. I asked the questions because I was so afraid that I wasn’t being the mother my children needed…that these precious years that I have with them before they grow up and leave home were going to pass by and I was going to miss them all. I was afraid that the many nights I brought the stress or sadness or even pain home with me that I was also inadvertently bringing a burden into my home that was never meant for my children to bear. And these were the things that for so many years kept me up at night.
It has only really been the last year or so that I have started to understand that while the burden has at times been great; I can also see the gift in this life God has given us. For better or worse, the 5 of us are a team. We are in this together. With the exception of only a few trips over the last couple of decades, everything we have done, it has been together. Sure that means they have been exposed to hard things earlier in life than I would have liked, but they also have been able to see faith in action because of it. When I say to my children, “Let’s put this in God’s hands…and trust Him to act on our behalves,” this isn’t just some empty saying to them. They have seen it in action. They saw it with our oldest son’s adoption. They saw it when we weren’t sure where we were going to live. They saw it when we didn’t have enough money to fly home to visit my parents. They saw it when children were healed at Casa Bernabe or relationships were restored. This isn’t church speak to my children. They know it to be true because they have SEEN it.
And the truth is I also know it to be true because I said “yes” to God’s plans for my life and future instead of mine. Sure, I sometimes still struggle with feeling pulled between my responsibilities in the ministry and my desires as a mother. Every time I walk past my oldest son’s room, knowing that in only two short months he will be moving to the United States to go to college, I feel the pierce in my heart, “Lord how did it go so fast? Did I miss too much? Is he ready? Could I have done more?”
But don’t we all as mothers feel like that sometimes? Don’t we all wonder if we have somehow missed the mark…done too much or not enough? My hope is this, though. John tells Gaius in 3 John 1:4, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth.” This is my prayer for my children. My prayer is that in my obedience to the Lord I am living before them an example of faith. I am showing them that no matter how much I love them and love their father; I will always love God more.
So I keep pressing forward, trusting not my abilities as a mother but trusting that as I choose obedience to God, He will give all 5 of us all that we need. Giving us all that we need may look different than I once thought it would. We may not always have exactly what we think we want and our family dynamic may sometimes look different to the outside world. But, I can rest in the knowledge that when I said “yes” to God, I did not say “no” to my family. I get the privilege and joy of doing both…serving God WITH and ALONGSIDE family. What a gift!
And when those doubts that I am failing them inevitably start to creep into my mind and heart once again, I quiet them with the reminder that my children do not belong to me anyway. They belong to Him. My job is to love them, care for them, and lead them well. My responsibility is to point them to the only ONE that can SAVE, the only ONE that can be all they need, and the ONE that loved them so much He sent His Son to die on the cross so they may spend their eternity with Him.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:18
