“I Don’t Want to Forget How I feel Right Now”
WRITTEN BY BRANDEE MONROE
There is so much fear in the unknown. It’s this level in life, for most of us, that we tend to sink into without even knowing. Fear glues your feet to the pavement, rendering the steps you want to take forward, virtually impossible. Somewhere stuck in the middle, we are paralyzed. Our mind runs ragged with hopeless worry and distress. But only God can deliver us to solid, stable ground. His ground is firm in the foundation of stability, faith, courage, cultural tradition, and the love of Christ. When I open my eyes, this is what I still see. A community that is lush, not only with tropical vegetation, flowers, and trees, but a people whose eyes are fixed on Christ and His mission. It’s a place where the fear you’ve always faced will be set free and you slowly begin to think maybe I’m stronger than I realize. It’s a place you don’t want to forget. It’s the movement of God so big, your heart will echo, I don’t want to forget how I feel right now. I close my eyes and peace resounds. This is Casa Bernabe.
I was not supposed to be on this trip. The fact that I had prayed for God to move in my life was something I had been desperately searching for, yet when I was asked to join the NewPointe Community Church mission team heading to Guatemala in July 2023, the fear that I spoke of above began to surface. I continued to pray 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but power, love, and self-discipline.” I found myself, encouraged by my family but making this emotional journey on my own, back to the country that gave us the unbelievable gift of our son.
The last time my husband Matt and I were in Guatemala, we were forever changing the lives of so many: our communities, our friends, our families, our son’s biological and foster families, and or son, Raef. We started the process of international adoption in January 2007 and with the audit of adoptions between the United States and Guatemala, our son’s adoption was one of the last 3200 from Guatemala. In May 2008, we finally brought Raef home.
God had been orchestrating what would happen at Casa Bernabe for the last 15 years. Guatemala, for me, was still frozen in time. I was 15 years younger when we spent 4 days between the U.S. Embassy and our hotel, finalizing Raef’s adoption. As our plane began its final decent, I was not prepared for that flood of emotion. As the mission team drove 25 minutes outside the city to reach the gates of Casa Bernabe, darkness began to fall. I found myself exhausted from travel and uncertain of what the next 7 days would become.
I continued to pray, God break my heart this week.
On a whim, I messaged Raef’s foster mother, Maria, to let her know I was in Guatemala. She asked if we could meet. Knowing how difficult travel can be in Guatemala, I did not put much faith in this happening. I tend to put God in this box of what only I think He can do … but He’s God.
I continued to pray, God break my heart this week.
On Wednesday, with the help of Peyton Tolley, Casa Bernabe’s on-site Missionary Coordinator, Maria came to Casa Bernabe. For an hour, Peyton translated for Maria and me. It was a time of not only healing but reflection of the last 15 years. She told me so many things about Raef’s first year of life. It was as if God had stopped time and it was only us, there together in that café, crying and holding onto one another. Maria and I were able to share so much about Raef. Most importantly, I needed her to truly understand that Raef is the young man he is today because of the foundation she and her family provided during his first year of life in Guatemala. As I watched her slowly walk through the gate of Casa Bernabe to leave, I felt like I was leaving a piece of myself behind, not knowing when I would see her again. This woman had truly changed all of our lives.
As our mission team grew closer to the families and staff at Casa Bernabe throughout the week, you could feel this movement. The Holy Spirit began to plant these people, this community, and their culture in our hearts. Working alongside them, playing and interacting with them, if only through broken Spanish and overexaggerated body language, stepping out into their communities, I know this much is true: I have never felt God’s power more than in this place. We had all fallen in love with Casa Bernabe. I began to see this as heaven on Earth. There is something here, greater than me, greater than any of us. It is indescribable. The only thing I can say is that you must go. You need to serve. You have to ask God to move you in ways only He can.
Author Paul David Tripp says in his book New Morning Mercies, “No need to fear what God will ask of you, because in the asking is always the promise of grace to empower your hearts and hands.”
Don’t let fear keep you from the story He is writing for your life … in that surrender to Him, your life will never, truly be the same.
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As believers, we are all called to “Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.”(Psalm 82:3) There is a role for each of us in that mission. Whether it's visiting like Brandee did, becoming a monthly sponsor, or partnering through prayer, there is a way for everyone to be a piece in the work the God is doing.
Your involvement—no matter the form—helps build a foundation of hope, restoration, and transformation for these children and families. Would you prayerfully consider how God might be calling you to join us? Together, we can be part of the greater story He is writing in Guatemala and beyond. Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can defend the cause. Learn more!
